whore

I really don't understand why people brag about how much they drink. I was talking to a female at work yesterday and I told her when I go out I like to have a couple drinks and she goes "well then you wouldn't make it out with me!" LOLZ LOLZ ROTFL

This girl is a fucking fat disgusting piece of shit whore who thinks that I'm fucking impressed that she pounds franzia and lies about how hungry she is when she really wants to inject special sauce from mcdonalds into her disgusting hairy arms and shove a fucking dildo up her ass. How much you drink is not impressive, its not cool, its not a fucking turn on. If you like to drink a lot, thats great, guess what? I dont give a fuck. You want to impress me with how much you do something? Play Halo: Reach for 8 hours one day. Then come back and talk to me. In the mean time, by some fucking clothes that dont make your fuck fat rolls hang out. I'm fat, do you see me in abercrombie shirts like these blowjobs at the mall that walk around smelling like cheap cologne and sipping disgusting stupid coffee that nobody knows what the fuck it is and stealing all the women.

What?

I was driving today and I found myself asking this question:

Do women know how to drive and simply choose to drive poorly or are they just retards?

I got the blog itch back folks. Get ready for the return. Pussy, video games, sports, comics, pussy, tits, more sports, beers, what, I said I drank some beers, what?

What?

Braylon Edwards Line-O-Rama

Edwards had at least one other option Tuesday morning. The Jets foot the bill for the "PlayerProtect" program, a 24-hour security and driving service that players can utilize free of charge -- "to prevent this situation."

Hey Seth Meyers and Weekend Update! This is what you do for a living. Your jokes on Saturday night should be funnier than these. Feel free to contact us.

Easy ones first.

• When the cop handed him back his license and registration, Braylon Edwards dropped it.

• The only thing more blacked out than Braylon Edwards were his tinted windows.

• Instead of attempting to walk in a straight line, Braylon Edwards "Dougied" back and forth.

• Braylon Edwards blew a 1.6 BAC and then the cops added another 1.5 for taunting.

• Judging from his beard, Braylon Edwards was most likely drinking cheap wine from a brown paper bag.

• Breathalize like a Jet!

• Let's go drink a goddamn shot!

• The 2008 Cleveland Browns Wide Receivers or an AA meeting? Edwards/Stallworth.
  

• Braylon Edwards couldn’t care less about his driving strug-a-ling.

• In Braylon Edward's defense he was only 1/8th as drunk as Namath was on that Monday Night game.

• I’m just impressed they didn’t find any gun(s) in the car with him.

• Braylon Edwards said to the cop "I'm an athlete, I can do whatever I want." The cop said, "That only works at the University of Michigan."

• Cory Lidle had an easier time navigating around New York City than Braylon Edwards did. (too soon?)

• Braylon Edwards drank spirits before he drove. Where is Stevie Janowski when you need him?

• Rex Ryan's reaction to hearing the news about Braylon Edwards: "Golly gee, gosh darn it to heck."

• Mike Westhoff walked a straighter line than Braylon Edwards.

• Ines Sainz actually broke this story first. Her head was in Braylon Edward's lap when the police arrived.

• How many Jets does it take to legally operate an SUV? At least 2, if one of them is Braylon Edwards.

• HBO is planning a Hard Knocks/Oz crossover starring Braylon Edwards.

• Braylon Edwards has decided to take his talents to the Block C Holding Cell on 38th street.

Keep the list going and add your own to the comments.

Move Over Sarah Jessica Parker, I'm Running This Town Now

Greetings! Hopefully this knocks out 15 minutes of your Thursday.

Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back (There is absolutely no debate this is a better song than "Breathe, Stretch, Shake")

The summer is over. The leaves are changing and the beets are finally in full bloom. A lot has changed and happened around here in a few short months. I've lost hundreds and hundreds of dollars in several different casinos, had run ins at gentleman's clubs, been lost, ripped off and plenty else.

My fantasy baseball team is coughing on its final breaths after being on life support for an entire spring/summer. I am still pondering what drugs I was on during draft day. They had to be some serious shit. Matsui, Johnny Damon, Todd Helton, Lance Berkman, and Brian Roberts? Did I do my draft going 88 mph in a fucking Dolorean?

I am no longer Director of Transportation (delivery boy) at Frank Anthony's Italian Restaurant and Deli. I now schulb it into New York everyday. Today everything is different. There's no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food. After I got here I ordered spaghetti with marinara sauce......and I got egg noodles with ketchup. I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.

The city is an interesting place and since I spend my days there now, I can see a lot of my writing being about it. Think of it as Season 2 of a TV show in a new location, a sequel to a movie that has a vacation (I'm looking at you Brady Bunch and SITC) or a TV show that has completely jumped the shark depending on how shitty you think my blogging is.

The first thing I notice when I leave the train/bus station into New York are the people giving out/selling newspapers. These people are crackheads. Period. There is no way any of them have slept in days and even if I REALLY wanted a newspaper, I would have to wash my hands after i turned every page.

Number 2 about the city is that Asian people love cigarettes.

When I did a google search for "Asian Smoking" I got 99.9 percent porn.

My office borders KoreaTown and 9/10ths of the Asian people on the streets are sucking on cancer sticks. Now I'm no mathematician but if there are 1.3 billion Asians in China, 14.9 million Asian Americans, plus millions more miscellaneous Asians on this planet that is a real lot. If each of them smokes a pack a day, and there are roughly 25 cigarettes in a pack, that is somewhere in the ballpark of 32 billion cigarettes a day smoked by Asian people. And lets not forget about that 2 year old that is good for 4 packs a day. Feel free to check my math on that one.

One thing I learned quickly on my daily walk is that seeing eye dogs can recognize red lights and will stop at don't walk signs. It was literally the most amazing thing I've ever seen with my own two, fully functional eyes. Kids in high school don't know how to cross the street and there are random dogs that can. No excuse for any human being to ever get hit by a car again if a German Shepherd can recognize a DO NOT WALK sign.

The big miss from the Death Pool was Rich from LFO dying and no one having him. Apparently know one knew he was sick. I certainly didn't. Everyone was talking about Summer Girls when he died but any true LFO fan knows that was actually their 4th best song behind Every Other Time, Girl on TV, and Westside Story. Outside of Home Simpson, Johnny Knoxville, and Jesus, Rich was probably the biggest influence on my life, so this was particularly devastating.

I was 1 win away from winning my office pool this week but the FUCKING JETS had other plans. The Yankees are getting set for the playoffs. I am ready to bet big on Ricky Stanzi and the Iowa Hawkeyes this weekend. Always Sunny Starts tomorrow. Lots of good things to look forward to.

If Mike Francesa can take off half the summer, so can I.

Welcome to season 3 of the Beet Farm... or is it 4 or 5? I don't know. Comments, telling your friends and Retweets are encouraged. WHO BUT!

Last but not least, after listening to talk radio and reading the newspaper for the past few days I realized there was only one person in the world qualified to talk about Inez Sainz and he goes by the Alias of DateMike69.

Big Stein

Very tough week for the Yankees. I finally got my first hit in the game and I'm not as happy as I thought I would be. The Death Pool business is a bitter sweet business. George was also the first one of "the favorites" to go which is interesting considering it is mid July.

On behalf of all the die hard Yankee fans out there, I would like to thank George for being so dedicated to winning. Yes, he spends the most money but he would give it all back for a championship. He would literally sleep in a gutter if he knew it would lead to the Yanks winning.

He never cared about making a profit unless that profit could help him win. Many major league owners should take note that spending money makes money and making money leads to winning. (I'm looking at you Pittsburgh Pirates).

He was nuts, he screamed, he yelled, he helped those less fortunate, he usually apologized and his attitude and impatience embodies everything New York sports stand for.

I wouldn't be doing my due diligence as a blogger if I didn't post this so here we go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLAa-kxM8lE

So far the tag-team of Corey Haim and George Steinbrenner (that's a phrase I never thought I'd say) has propelled Greg Peldunas to the top while the Trifecta of Manute Bol, Big Stein, and Senator Byrd has Jeff Devine is a close 2nd. Steve Solano's Stein and Coleman combo has him currently set to win the Bronze Medal.

5 months to go!

Greg Peldunas: 82

Jeff Devine: 81

Steve Solano: 78

Alan Lupinacci: 60

Mike Pritchard: 58
Ameer Elkorany: 42

Son of Dad: 46
Kevin O'Rourke: 28

Scotty Pioli: 26
Patrick McDonald: 26
Mark Peldunas: 21

GR: 20

Tina Winthrop: 20
Dustin Smallheer: 20

Anthony Wdt: 20

Chris Wnekowicz:20

Mike Cortese: 20

Trevor Racioppe: 20

Phil Castaldo: 20

Mike Murphy:20

Matt Passero: 20

Alex Slotkin:20

Nick Carr: 20

Chris Sauer: 9
Bobby Bartow: 9
Ian Merry: 8
Jon Klingert: 1
Julien Gutierrez: 1

You can find everyone's team here.

Sorry about the lack of updates outside of Death Pool scoreboards. My brain is in summer vacation mode. That will change soon.